SEXUAL MATURITY

Psalm 139.14-18; 2Tim.2.22

Preamble: As we study this piece together, we shall learn that our sexual instincts are part of our being and a blessing from God. We shall also learn what the blessing is meant for and how to channel it to that purpose. Beyond these, we shall learn the skills for understanding the process and challenges of our sexual self; and by that understanding, how to build the necessary controls. Note that “He (she) that has no rule (control) over his (her) own spirit (will) is like a city that is broken down, and without walls” (Prov.25.28).

What does sexual maturity mean?

Sexual maturity refers to a stage in a person’s growth and maturity when he/she reaches full sexual capability or becomes capable to reproduce. Sexual maturity is attained through the process of puberty, which is the process of physical changes through which a child’s body matures into an adult body capable of sexual reproduction. These physical changes are induced and controlled by the brain through some special chemical substances called hormones.

What are the signs of sexual maturation/maturity?

The process of sexual maturation in boys come with the following physical and psychological signs among others: the appearance of pubic and facial hair, deepening of the voice, wet dreams, mood swings, low self-esteem, depression, aggression, sexual instinct/attraction to the opposite sex. As the girls mature sexually, the breasts develop, public hair appears, menstruation begins, growth spurt occurs, body shape changes, the voice becomes melodious, the skin softens, head hair grows and softens, and mood swings may occur. Some of the other changes that may occur include feelings of depression, feelings of insecurity and dependence, sexual instincts and attraction to the opposite sex. These are necessary preparations for the reproductive roles of the sexes and normal, healthy characteristics of developing or developed healthy boy or girl. The absence of these signs may spell abnormal development which portends defective sexuality and reproductive problems.

What are the challenges of sexual maturation/maturity?

Sexual maturation/maturity brings with it enormous moral challenges for a Christian boy or girl in the contemporary lax global sex culture. The biochemical and physical processes of sexual maturation in both boys and girls induce both internal push and external pull toward sexual gratification. From within, hormonal activities create sexual instincts or appetite and a vulnerable psychological state of being. Hormones also emit through the body, invisible attractive radiation that pulls the opposite sexes to each other just as much as the attractive body features.

Whereas sexual maturation is necessary normal natural preparation for the reproductive roles of the individual in a properly constituted marriage as ordained by God and practised insane cultures (Gen.1.27-28; 2.18-25; Heb.13.4), there is a universal tendency for adolescents and mature people to express their sexual capacities in unethical and sinful ways (Gen.34.1-2; 49.3-4; 2Sam.13.1-14). Moreover, with the global sensationalization of sex, undue sex-consciousness is being built in the young and old such that normal latent sexual impulses are often excited into active expressions (Math.24.12; 1Tim.4.1-2; Rom.1.28-29).

How Do We Handle Our Sexual Maturation/Maturity?

The following are suggested measures for us to handle our sexual maturation/maturity as Christian young people:

  • Realize that your sexuality is God’s gift meant for a purpose. Through the so-called models, movies, music and the media, youths in particular, are continuously modelled to think in terms of their sexual worth- as though they are just sex tools! But the body and life as a whole is worth more than sex! You are not a sex object. Your sexuality is a beautiful gift from your Creator that is meant to be consciously integrated into a purpose-driven life under God (Math.19.4-6; Eph.5.31-32; 1Cor.6.15-20).
  • Realize that you are not of the world and cannot afford to live the world’s way. The way of the world is influenced by the Devil and opposed to the will of God (Eph.2.1-2; Jon.7.7; 15.18;17.16). The believer, though in the world, hates the way of the world and does not emulate it (Gal.6. 14;1Jon.2.15-17). You must denounce and reject the loose morality and ungodly sex culture of our contemporary world (Prov.5; 6.20-33; 7).
  • Make up your mind to only use your sexuality in line with God’s purpose. Everything in nature is designed for a purpose outside of which there are always unwanted consequences. Our sexuality is meant by God to be used and enjoyed within a properly constituted marriage for procreation (Gen.1.27-28; 2.18-25; Heb.13.4). Any use before and outside this God-ordained purpose brings ruinous consequences in time and eternity (1Cor.10.8; Eph.5.5-6; Rev.21.8).
  • Don’t make room for your natural tendencies to bear fruits of sin(Rom.13.14; Gal.5.16). Avoid situations that will stimulate your sexual instincts and put you under sexual pressure. Avoid undue emotional closeness with the opposite sex. Keep the moral boundaries in words, gifting, physical touch and other exchanges when dealing with the opposite sex. Dress decently and avoid close interactions with indecently dressed opposite sex. Avoid persons, places and things- pictures, music, films, TV or Radio programs, books, websites, social media platforms, etc. that incite undue sexual desires (1Thes.5.22; 2Tim.2.22).
  • Crucify the flesh. Through continual engagement in spiritual exercises including prayer, fasting and meditating on the Word, our carnal tendencies are desensitized while our spiritual sensibilities are honed. Thus we become less prone to unnecessary sexual excitement from within and without (Gal.2.20; 5.24; Rom.8.13; Col.3.5; 1Thes.4.3; 5.23-24).
  • Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly (Col.3.16; Jon.17.17; Eph.5.26-27). The word of God internalized through meditation cleanses and guards our minds against sinful influences. It helps us judge every situation rightly and take decisions firmly. Fill your mind with the Word of God through regular Fellowship attendance, personal Bible Study, listening to recorded messages, et cetera. When your mind is thus controlled by the Word of God, you live supernaturally (Ps.1.1-3; 119.9-11; Prov.6.20-24).
  • Declare your Christian stand everywhere, to everyone and always – God will stand by you (10.6-11)! Declaring who you are and what you stand for scares away some tempters, activates and re-enforces your faith as well as serves as a check at unguarded moments. Above all, it brings God into the situation at hand.

 

How Does One Who Is Already Trapped in Sexual Sin Recover Oneself?

Sexual sin is a bondage from which it requires deliberate resolve, determined effort and definite grace of God to be free. Sexual sin grants the right of way to demonic spirits to possess or obsess those involved with it. Hence, sexual sinners are almost always under the influence of demonic forces. However, even the captive of the mighty shall be taken away and the prey of the terrible shall be delivered (Isa.49.24-25). The following steps are to be sincerely and wholeheartedly taken by someone that has been trapped:

  • Repent genuinely from the sin- regretting and renouncing the sin and the apparent benefits therefrom (Acts 3.19; Prov.28.13);
  • Break every bridge (relationships, etc.) that could lead you back to the sins (Acts. 19.18-19);
  • Discuss the issues with a spiritual mentor who will pray for you to break the Bondage, and counsel you (James 5.16; Prov.11.14; 24.6);
  • Embark on spiritual exercises (prayer, fasting, Bible study, etc.) to build/rebuild spiritual stamina (Math.26.41; Ps.119.11); and
  • By all means, avoid building again the relationships or connections you have destroyed (Gal.2.18).

Conclusion

 

Mishandling of the challenges of sexual maturation/maturity among youths has led many not only to fornication and adultery but also other sexual pervasions like masturbation, tool sex, romancing, lesbianism, homosexuality, bestiality and paedophilia (Rom.1.24-27; Lev.18.23; 20.15). However, the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, by refusing ungodliness and worldly lusts, we can live righteously, soberly and godly in this 21st century while waiting for the BLESSED HOPE and glorious appearing of the Great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ(Titus 2.11-14; 1Jon.3.7-10).

Relationship defined

Relationship in the context of this seminar does not refer to “the way in which two or more people are related by birth, adoption, or marriage, or the fact of being related by birth, adoption, or marriage”. Rather it is the connection between two or more people or groups and their involvement with one another, especially as regards the way they behave toward and feel about one another”. It also includes “emotionally close friendship, especially one involving sexual activity” (Encarta Dictionaries, 2009).

 

What makes relationship acceptable or not acceptable is the way those involved “behave and feel one to another” (Prov.18.24).

 

Unacceptable relationships and Consequences

The Word of God condemns any form of intimate relationship between a believer and unbeliever because of the unwholesome fruit it must always yield (2Cor. 6.14-18; 1Cor.15.33; Psalm 1.1). Even among blood relatives, the Lord cautions against any close emotional involvement between the believer and unbeliever that will breed sinful compromise (Math.10.37; 1Sam.2.29-31; Lev.10.1-6). Whether between believers, or believer and unbeliever, the Lord abhors intimacy between opposite sexes that are not legitimately married because it will breed corrupted emotions and acts that defile His temple (Prov. 7.6-27; Prov. 6.23-33; Prov. 5.1-14; Gen.34.1-3, 31; 2Sam.13.1-20. Also see Rom. 13.14; James 1.14-15; Matt.5.28; Job 31.1; 1Pet.2.11).

 

However, in the ‘modern’ world today (and in the ‘modern’ Church too) – especially among youth, it is common to find all shades of secrete and open relationships between opposite sexes, and even same sexes, the end of which do not glorify the Lord. Some say ‘we are in a relationship’, ‘he/she is my boy/girlfriend’ or ‘we are dating’. Others say ‘we go out together’, ‘we are just friends” or ‘he/she is my partner’. Yet others say ‘we are courting’ or ‘he/she is my fiancé/fiancée’. Some hide under the cover of ‘he/she is my relative- uncle, cousin, etc.’, ‘he/she is our family friend’, ‘we are from the same place’ or ‘he/she is my reading/praying partner, etc.’ In the social media (Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, etc.) and some websites; in the TV, radio, newspapers, magazines, novels, films, the GSM service, music, comedy, and advertisements generally; even informal educational curricula; programs, packages, shows, events, columns are designed to encourage all sorts of relationships with little or no reservations for godliness (1Jon.5.19; Matt.24.12; Psalm 82.5; Isa.5.20).

 

Youths who follow this trend, whether they are believers or unbelievers, soon lose their moral sensibilities and restraints, yielding themselves to pervasions including immoral thinking and imagination, lusting, nudity, seduction, flirting, pornography, masturbation, various forms of phone sex, paedophilia, fornication, prostitution, incest, lesbianism, homosexuality, bestiality, adultery, cohabitation, unwholesome marriages and divorce (1Cor. 3.16-17; 6.18-20; Rom.12.1-2. Also see Rom.1.24-32; Lev.18.1-30).

 

Acceptable relationship

The Word of God is clear on the way of life a believer in the Lord Jesus, including the type of relationship he/she must keep. His/her life is based on heavenly values rather than on the trend of the world (Phil. 3.20; Col.3.1-2). He is not to be carnally minded nor sow to the flesh (Rom.8.5-7; Gal.6.6-8) but cut off from anyone/thing that will lead him to sin (Math.5.28-30). He must abstain from all appearance of evil (1Thes. 5.22) and hate even the garment spotted by the flesh thereby making a difference (Jud.1.21-23). In contact with unbelievers around him/her, his/her life is to be a practical demonstration of the righteous Gospel of Christ to them (1Pet.2.12; Math.5.13-16). In relation to fellow believers, he/she must not be a stumbling block but rather an example for them to follow (1Tim.4.12; 1Thes.2.10). He/she is to owe no man anything but (that is, have nothing to do with any man, believer or unbeliever, that is not based on) the pure love of God (Rom. 13.8-10; Rom.12.9-10; 1Pet.1.22; 1Jon.2.5, 15).

 

Relationships and Marriage

Beside immediate sensual satisfaction, many youths indulge in immoral relationships with the aim of finding a life partner (a wife or husband). But this is sheer mark of ignorance of God’s purpose for their lives and His way of doing things (Isa. 55.8; 2Tim. 2.19; Math. 22.29). When marriage is contrived through sinful relationship or process, it is likened to one laying the foundation of his/her home and future on quick, shifting sand (Math. 7.26-27). This is the major reason for the woes that attend marriages today (Prov.5.6; Prov.30.18-20; Prov.31.30; Isa.57.20-22).

 

 

 

 

 

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